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A bite at Saurabh's

By Dhondy
March 8 2005

It was festive time in South Calcutta. Saurav had just kicked off his latest chain of Chinese restaurants called "Hew Chew Mine" and was throwing a big bash.

Journalists had assembled from far afield and one of them was interviewing the Indian captain.

"So Saurabh, what are your comments about your 21st consecutive defeat to Pakistan in ODIs?"

"Yeah, unfortunate. The boys gave off their best. We practiced the huddle every day in the camp, Irfan practiced his bumping and wailing, Sachin did some very good go-karting sessions, and Zaheer broke the world record for staring, Nehra excelled himself in diving over balls in the outfield, but we still lost. There must be something we are not doing right....Anyway, did you like the cutlet?"

"Yes, thanks very much, Saurabh. What about Dravid keeping? Is he going to keep in the next match?"

"Yes, things are looking good for him. At the moment he is in the Intensive Care Unit, after having both hips and knees replaced, but he is making a good recovery. He should be OK for the next match tomorrow....Here, taste this crab-soup..It's a specialty of ours."

"Mmmm..delicious, Saurabh. What about the 5th bowler problem?

"What problem? That's where Dravid is so valuable. He's been practicing bowling with his pads on, and then running straight back to keep to his own bowling, but that's Jammy, you know! Always there for the team cause. So now we have one more bowling option.... Here, have a bite of this tortoise chop!"

"Great Saurabh! But the 6 guys who bowled the 10 overs between them went for 110 runs between them! Surely you must be worried!"

"Worried? Zaheer, Pathan & Nehra went for 100 each, so what should I be worried about? No, the 5th bowlers...all our bowlers are doing very well. Did you see how they choked Inzi in this match?"

"Choked, Saurabh? He scored 125 off 90 balls!"

"Yeah, but you should see the fish bone in his throat he had to consult the ENT surgeon for. I slipped in a Piranha in the curry when he came dining to my place. Naughty, ain't I?

"Very clever, Saurabh. What about the other team members?"

Oh, they are doing well. Kaif has just started "Nawab" in Lucknow. Yuvraj is starting a joint called "Kimi" in Chandigarh next year, and Zaheer is considering starting his own chain called, "How the jump screwed up my run-up"

"Fantastic Saurabh. So all of you are turning restauranteurs?"

"Well, not all. Parthiv is still trying to pass high school. You have to take care of your old age you know. After all, we have all given a lot to Indian cricket. A 13% winning record is no joke!"

"Thank you Saurabh. Just one last question. What are you going to call your next restaurant?"

"Oh that's an easy one. IB!"

"IB? What's that?"

"Inzy's Bitch."

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