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Breakfast with Bhomps!
By Gokul Swamy
May 14 2006
"Bhomps, eat your soaked beans in soya sauce coated with jelly bean curry and mashed onions with a spoon full of potatoes that have been freshly steamed from the roosters very own backyard down the road in the next village bordering the landscape!!!" said his mommy.
"Yes ma'm" said Bhomps coming out of the time-warp eating his eye and looking very electronic. "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… aaaaieeeeeee!!!!!!, cried his mom looking at her solo-eyed son. "Yes ma'am?" said Bhomps sounding very muddy… Epilogue It was Bhomp's turn to bat an eyelid at the local fast bowler. He shouldn't have. Now he has just one eye and his mommy won't like it when she knows that Bhomps turned Cyclops under some bizarre sporting circumstances. Anyway before going out to bat, Bhomps managed to eat some breakfast. He was hungry and so he wanted to eat something before facing the demon fast bowler. He also wanted to listen to Tears for Fears sing; the one that goes, "CUT UP MY NOSE!!!!! TO SPITE MY FAYYYCE!!!!...CUT!!!! SPITE!!!!!. Peaceful. Bhomps now had the confidence to take on any ball bowled at him be it a wickedly turning leg break or a venom-spitting break-back. Bhomps was still eating his breakfast of chopped nuts in prune sauce when his turn to bat came. "Oy Pritchard! You waiting for Superman Returns!??. Get down o'er there and knock em bludy ounds about!!" screamed Captain Quirk." Bhomps defended stoutly, "Me name's not Pritchard Skipper but it 'umble Bhomps." And so it was. The match ended in a draw not because Bhomps refused to bat at being called Pritchard , but because the Captain had dared insult his Breakfast! "Breakfast", quoth Bhomps at the end of the days play, to whoever cared to listen, "is the most important meal 'ave made on the job and I shall honour it!" The rest of the team clicked tongues for Chrissake and snacked on their nails hullabaloo. As for Captain Quirk, e' was all agog and 'oldin 'is scalp and tearing 'is strands and cussin' and beatin 'is 'ead on a piece o' English willow. That's all he could do… He had lost his voice having turned speechless from the incident. I mean, who wouldn't?

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