Well Armyed, Kev
Barmy Kev's Caribbean Capers Part Two
Well Armyed, Kev
By Barmy Kev
October 16 2008
To wet our appetites for Antigua, Barmy Kev relates his experiences on that very island 10 years ago. Enjoy the rollercoaster ride that is a five-day match in the Caribbean with Barmy Kev as your guide. It has highs (Kev's drinks list) and lows (England's performance) and plenty of fun for the reader. This is part two of Kev's three parter on his Caribbean exploits.
Well Armyed, Kev
October 16 2008
To wet our appetites for Antigua, Barmy Kev relates his experiences on that very island 10 years ago. Enjoy the rollercoaster ride that is a five-day match in the Caribbean with Barmy Kev as your guide. It has highs (Kev's drinks list) and lows (England's performance) and plenty of fun for the reader. This is part two of Kev's three parter on his Caribbean exploits.
Part Two
Testing Times In Antigua
I got to ground 2 hours before the start of the 1998 Antigua test. There was a big ceremony for opening of new stand which I felt obliged to watch. I was queuing outside with lots of people milling for some time. I saw some casually looking guys trying to open gates not making any progress. They certainly were not laid back and I realised there was a problem when someone shouted in a strong W Indies accent “where’s the f*cking key”. Somehow they were able to open side gate, there was a massive crush to gain entry and remember forcing myself in without showing my ticket.
I really couldn’t be asked to see grand opening and thought I’d relax for while in my designated seat bought in advance for 5 days in the Andy Roberts stand. My position was similar to Warner stand at Lords high up not the best view, not in sun and very close to a speaker. Five days of hearing at full blast “Hoo let the dogs out, woo woo woo” not my idea of fun. Was about to have my first drink and as I was getting bag from beneath seat I somehow knocked it back through gap behind seat, down on ground underneath stand way below, splat! I immediately made my way down to survey damage. I crawled under the stand, as the grand opening in adjacent stand was taking place and I found my way to bag with shattered glass by side from orange drinks and vodka bottle mercifully in tact. The orange flavour of my reading matter was not ideal. Anyway, I bought some cans of orange and returned to my nightmare seat.
So game now started, England batting first needing to win game to tie series. 1st half an hour no wickets, very slow stuff then a massive downpour for ½ an hour. At this point, I was glad to be under cover in my stand. My concerns were that the cover for wicket seemed to resemble a large bed sheet. Once rain stopped sun out, but it was decided to have an early lunch, rather than come out. The monotonous blaring of “hoo let the dogs out” really became tiresome.
I really needed to perambulate and was able to do lap of ground with their staff checking tickets for other stands accepting any paper shown their way. There was lovely sun traps opposite in cheaper seats away from speakers and the steel bands music much more agreeable, so thought I’d settle here. In fact my aim was to sneak through lax security every time to make this my home for rest of match.
The next sight was ground staff using kitchen sponges to mop up wet area around wicket strip. Evidently, the roller normally used to mop up damp malfunctioned. Then there was some hefty looking guards appearing with some dubious looking characters. Evidently, the local prisoners were invited to help clear up. But there was no urgency as this continued after lunch. 4 hours of watching this became too much. My only respite was buying more orange to accompany my vodka. The crowd was getting sparser and sparser the sun was in and out and really not prospect of further play. So it was back to hotel for me not in best of moods. At hotel bar was advised there was just after I left half an hour play and England managed to lose 2 wickets.
Day 2 Forget
Hopefully next day with Ramps in hand and pitch dried out another recovery. A loss of early wickets meant a quick appearance of Ramps batting at 7, requiring responsibility, decided early on with rush of blood to smash Courtenay Walsh out of ground provided catching practise to midwicket-one of worst shots I’ve ever seen in test cricket. We were all out for 127 and soon W Indies were batting a different game and at close were close to our total with no wickets down.
And So On
Thereafter the next six sessions was a run riot. Carl Hooper scored a quick ton with superb array of shots and everyone was slaughtering us With England out of game I was just happy to admire the flow of shots. With a draw sufficient to win series there was no point in setting any kind of realistic target. W Indies declared on 500 to save us from further punishment and gave us 4 and 1/2 sessions to bat out.
In pursuit of this, Butcher and Atherton were out early. Butch achieved a double pair and dropped an easy catch- he was seen after day 4 at Karaoke bar acting as if was celebrating! After tea, Stewart and Hussein batted out that session with ease. After Stewart out early next day Thorpe was batting comfortably. We were nowhere near able to set a target and as they were continuing to look in no trouble this had all the ingredients of a bore draw.
Roamin'
I was able to wonder round sparsely filled ground and I covered every stand, apart from returning to Andy Roberts stand. I thought I’d spend the final session and half watching game in Sandals pool, which was a lively area. Watching cricket in sunshine, in a pool, with beer is fun regardless of game progress. I left pool for toilet visit with my belongings left behind. As returned to area the security man who let me in originally, saw me go out asked for my ticket, which of course was for Andy Roberts stand. I had no problem if I had to move to another area but had lots of belongings in pool area which I wanted to collect first. He wouldn’t let me through. I eventually had enough arguing so I just barged my way in, he smiled and did not seem to object and so I resumed my position in pool. This was just an unnecessary nonsense.
Cricket?
Back to the cricket. This 4th wicket stand was batting without any alarms, but setting a target still out of the question. Then, Thorpe called Nasser Insane for suicidal 2nd run and ran him out. Madness! At tea 6 wickets left still should be safe. We were obviously taken this seriously as during tea Tufnell, Caddick, Fraser and Headley were given batting practise on pitch by then manager Bumble. Ramps and Russell soon gone, before I knew it defeat becoming likely. Suddenly an empty ground was filling up, with locals getting sniff of victory. No one had clue how many overs left and whether more time added for loss of play day 1.
With Walsh and Ambrose firing at attacking fields, every ball looked a potential wicket. Then another no brainer. Thorpe goes for a single to give Headley strike four balls of the over to face. He only needed one before he was out. Then two England “ fans” decided to do a streak causing 5 minute delay completely putting Caddick off , who was out next ball. The streakers got a jolly good beating from the local police batons, well deserved. Fraser was soon out and there was the sight of Tufnell at 11 facing with field of 7 slips a short point and short leg. It was announced 8 overs left and he did well to survive 3 balls before out, game over. This defeat could have been avoided especially if Thorpe showed some common sense with running when wickets are the only issue. Athers gave up captaincy and Bumble coach straight after game.
Essex/Kent Fans or Fans of Kent/Essex
A lighter part of proceedings was a night in company with a group of Essex/Kent fans. One of whom I am still in contact with, known as Rob the Punk from other message boards and occasional visitor to MTWD. We were having few drinks discussing significant cricket matters and one debate was the worse batter ever seen. The majority view was Kevin Jarvis. However, one of the Kent fans recalled rather vocally witnessing him scoring 36 not out against Derbyshire. On table next us, were Derbyshire fans who did not take kindly to this and started to become a touch acrimonious. This did not stop us continuing chanting “There is only Kevin Jarvis “, which really did not go down well to our Derby friends.
As a footnote, on final night for Rob we were just chatting and discussing what we were looking forward to on return to back at Blighty. We both stated not much apart from a wedding. Coincidently, we were both going to be at the same wedding; my best friend and his partner happened both to be friends of the bride. It was a while before we recognised each other in formal wear as opposed to casual wear from holiday. We got no back-up from other guests when we chanted during lively moments “ Hoo let the dogs out”, and “there’s only one Phil Tufnell (or Kevin Jarvis)” .
[Barmy Kev's Story Continues soon - find out about the last part of his tour back in Barbados]
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