It was clear from the toss that we were not in for a high-octane game when Kevin Pietersen was unable to remember the players he had dropped. (Tip for you, Kevin: the fat mouthy one with the bad blonde highlights in the squad isn't Shane Warne, he's Graeme Swann.) However, he won the toss and chose to bat. As Daria and I had suffered through the previous night's T20 "entertainment", we did wonder how England would get on. The pitch hadn't looked good for batting first. Bell and Prior, those rampaging demons of T20, took the field, thereby interrupting a most entertaining discussion of whether Athers has had Botox (we say yes), and the excitement began.

...or more accurately, the stultifying boredom. It is an act of cricketing alchemy to have transformed a T20 series containing some of the most famous players in the world into an encounter with all the thrills and spills of Kenya v UAE. If the rest of the series is going to be as grim as this, Steven Finn will need to wear Kylie-sized hotpants in every game to hold my interest. Allen Stanford has paid twenty million dollars for this; I hope he's kept the receipt. I suppose at least this is one competition Middlesex can't be relegated in. Every cloud, and all that.

Back to the "cricket". Tim's first ball disappered to the boundary, and a brief pall of gloom descended on the sofa. Then we remembered Bell and Prior were in, had another drink and cheered up. Bell displayed that most thrilling of shots - the forward defensive - and Udal committed the first fielding howler of the night: more of those to come. The terrible image of Carter's moobs was displaced by our minds by the highlight of the match: the sighting of MTWD. Kev, you are now officially proper famous and we salute you.

Kartik dropped a shocker off Tim, possibly distracted by the captain's tremendously sweaty head, in the fourth over. At this point, we were predicting England to make about 165 as we simply didn't seem to be putting them under much pressure in the field, albeit the bowlers were bowling fairly well. Singles were easy enough to come by whilst Carter trundled away. The spinners came on and whilst they bowled well, Bell and Prior are the most uninspiring international opening partnership I have seen in many a year. They seemed more interesting in getting a good look at the pitch before the swine-in-the-trough game than in actually making a decent score in this one. Two run-out chances were missed before Bell was finally - mercifully - sent on his way and Owais came in. He was greeted to the wicket with a barrage of good-natured abuse, and slid smoothly into the second gear that England were apparently content to play in.

In the eleventh over, no sooner had I uttered the deeply insightful "I'm bored, I think I'll paint my nails" than Kartik bowled Prior. Pietersen came strolling to the wicket, and remarkably quickly was sent on his way by a very smart piece of keeping by Scott; easily the best fielding moment of the night. Not that there was much competition.

Scotty brilliantly stumps KP - please note that the rollover caption comes with the Empics photograph - clearly a cricket expert took this one!! 

Scott swiftly retreated behind the wicket after Flintoff stared particularly threateningly at him (for those who weren't watching on Sky, just think of that scene in Terminator when Arnold Schwarzenegger advances menacingly on a cowering Linda Hamilton and you'll have it), and then the best moment of the game arrived.

Strauss dropped Flintoff.

Strauss did not merely drop Flintoff, Strauss dropped Flintoff as if the ball had magically been transformed into a hot coal and his hands into giant clown mittens. Drops like that will now forever be known as a "Strauss drop" in the same way that deliveries to second slip are known as "Harmison wides". It was so awful that Strauss, Flintoff and Udal could only laugh, and Collingwood winced in the dugout at the realisation that Strauss will be in the slip cordon for the India Tests. Things livened up briefly: Owais cracked a six and Kev reappeared dancing in his flowery shorts, provoking fangirl screams from the sofa. Two more catches went down before finally - finally - we held one: Morgan held Flintoff on the boundary. This provoked a farce. At first Eoin never moved but the team celebrated wildly in the middle of the park. Flintoff looked about him, confused, and then decided to walk. The catch had already been referred upstairs by the time Eoin indicated once, briefly, that he hadn't touched the rope, but Flintoff still wasn't allowed off the park until the catch was confirmed.

"The impossibly handsome Steven Finn" (copyright the Guardian) bowled the last over, extremely well, and England had been restricted to 121. Our half-time sofa pundits' prediction was that Middlesex wouldn't chase this, with no Owais, no Tyron and a very slow track.

We opened with Jazz Hands Strauss and new boy Carter. Having opened the bowling, he was now being asked to open the batting: a big ask for a guy who had never even played for the club before Antigua. Still, benefit of the doubt and all that. They made a quiet, very quiet start, taking what singles they could. The taller bowlers have looked difficult to face in the two Stanford games so far, and Carter in particular was taking a long time to get himself set. Strauss, who was not having a game to remember, heaved in a playground manner at a Sidebottom delivery and Joyce came in. He rode his luck for a couple of early boundaries - and Flintoff should have held a decent chance in the sixth over - but the only way Carter could have looked more becalmed against Broad was if Flintoff had lifted him into a pedalo and shoved him out to sea. Now, I know we have to play nice and respect the decision of captain and coach to drop the new boy in at the deep end, but it's fair to say, it didn't look that smart a decision last night. He does have a good record at Warks at the top of the order, but he wasn't at Warks last night, and I don't think it's unfair to say an innings of 11 off 27 deliveries at the top of the order put us squarely behind the eight-ball in the run chase. We were never ahead of the rate from the opening and in the denouement, we simply ran out of time.

Morgan and Joyce rotated the strike well until Morgan, clearly feeling the need to accelerate the innings, went for the aerial route against Broad and was out caught early on. Joyce was dropped again, but went on to build a solid partnership with Malan. Malan played really well during his innings, and if he and Joyce had had six or seven more deliveries, they would probably have been confident of chasing the total. They batted very well, but again, we had simply wasted too many deliveries early on. They did rotate the strike well, and both of them hit a few good boundaries, so there was something positive to take away from the batting performance. The pitch looks a very difficult one to manufacture shots on, and the spinners again were tough to get away. Joyce was out at the end when it was clear that only big aerial shots would chase the total down, but in truth we never looked like making it and England won by a dozen runs.

A creditable performance, in summary; we bowled well and Joyce and Malan batted well, but England were just that little bit too strong. Before tonight, we need to sort out the catching and be clearer about our strategy at the top of the order. Fingers crossed for the money game tonight. We'll be on the sofa, with a bottle of gin.