Daria's Bit 

Owing to the notorious inefficiency of easyjet, we missed the start of the match by about ten minutes.  Arriving at Lord's, I was astonished to see just how many people were queuing to get in - I hadn't seen much advance publicity for the game anywhere but on the club website, but it was clear that the ground was going to be nearly full.  The Middlesex room was closed; according to the notice on the door it was because it was too close to the player dugouts (which were very flash and not at all like the garden benches we have been using in domestic T20 this year).  Possibly they had overheard our cunning plan to kidnap Shane Warne?  We weren't (entirely) serious, honest. 

The Royals Have Arrived!! 

The first thing we noticed on our arrival at the top of the Allen stand was that it was full.  I thought we Middlesex supporters didn't do T20 this season?  The second was the noise coming from all parts of the ground (except the Pavilion, but do I really need to specify that?)  There was singing, and cheerleaders, and a band, and, honestly, the atmosphere was amazing.  It was like Finals Day last year without the fear of dying of heatstroke and the hour-long journey back to civilisation. (Note by Ruby - OR GETTING THIRD DEGREE SUNBURN ON YOUR DAMNED HEAD. Rose Bowl, I hate you)

We missed the first over, which was bowled by Berg for two, and the second, by Finny for nine.  Half-way through the third over (Henderson) Fazal hit a massive six, and then it started to rain.  Hard.  The cloud overhead was ominous and it already looked like it was getting dark.  Not a good sign, but clearly this had been expected as the floodlights were already erected and on.   While we waited for the rain to stop we watched the cheerleaders dancing along with the band, which was considerably better entertainment than we usually get during rain delays.  The sun came back out at five past five, but by then a stage had already been set up on the pitch - it looked like they had decided to get the entertainment out of the way while the pitch dried out, and have only a short interval between innings.  This seemed to cause some interest in the younger members of the Middlesex squad, who were all out on the balcony watching avidly.  Or maybe it was the cheerleaders they were looking at.

Preparing To Entertain In the Rain

The entertainment itself was great fun, although I couldn't tell you who it was (it may have been in the programme, but I never buy them).  There was singing and dancing (fair play to the girls who were able to stay in time while dancing in wet grass while wearing saris) and one brilliant cutaway on the big screen to the Middlesex balcony,  to show a certain player who shall not be named getting into the music and "dancing", for want of a better word. 

Don't Often See Quite So Many Middlesex Players on the Balcony 

Which at least was better than the cut to the Royals balcony to show Justin Langer sucking a lemon.  Perhaps it was all too frivolous for him.

About Escala, some pretty girls in posh frocks pretending to play musical instruments, the less said the better. 

[Editor's Note On Escala - My Immediate Thought Was That They Were Miming, but I Suspect That They Were Actually Playing But the Sound Was Well Out Of Sync With the Visuals On the Screen.  Agree With the Sentiment of Daria and Ruby's Dislike of the Hype About Them, Though.  It is Rather a Flashy Looking But Musically Tame Act.  And Why Were We Repeatedly Told Over the Tannoy That They Would Specifically Appeal To Cricket-Lovers?]

Play restarted at 6pm, with no loss of overs - because of the lights, the game could carry on until 9.45.  Finny came back on for the fourth over, without much success - it went for eleven including a huge six into the pavilion and a four that Dawid should have stopped but didn't.  Was he distracted by the cheerleaders, we wondered, or just by his new (large) haircut that made him look like nothing so much as David Hasselhoff in his Baywatch days.  33-0, and five overs gone.  Tyron came on at the Nursery end, and he was better than Finny but not as good as Berg.    That's about all that can be said about his bowling during the match - it was just unmemorable.  After seven overs the two senior spinners came on, but they didn't slow it down as much as we would have hoped, although Kartik got a wicket in his first over - Fazal caught by Billy on the boundary. 64-1.

Dawid- and I hope I am not tempting fate by saying this - has become a lovely little allrounder this season, especially now his batting form is coming back.  Udal brought him on in the eleventh over, and he and his California hair did pretty well.  The fielding was a bit lethargic - not as bad as the shambles of the game at the Oval, but not as good as it could be either, especially as they didn't have the excuse of tropical heat.  Dawid made the next breakthrough, removing Ashodkar via a Shah catch.  Fifteenth over, and 105-2. This, we thought, was needed more than something of a tactical error, because Langer was next in and we would probably have been better off with Ashodkar and Kaif who were not exactly motoring along at this stage.  For some reason, though, Ojha came in next, althouhg we didn't realise at first because he is as much of a midget as J-La.  He can hit the ball like him too, it appears, as he smashed a six back into the Pavilion - if Eoin had been Finny's height he might have got his fingers to it.

Finny himself got Ojha next over, caught by Udal. 123-3 and now  Langer was in.  With some nervous thoughts about what happened the last time a grumpy Langer came to Lord's, we were totally unprepared for the sight of Langer departing four balls and one run later.  Dawid, who bowled him,  looked almost as surprised as us. Of course, this just brought in our *other* nemesis of this season, Mascarenhas, who proceeded to hit Tyron for 15 off one over.  Berg came back for one over that went for a more respectable eight, and then we brought Finny back for the final over, yet again not giving Dawid his full allotment.  I've seen Udal's argument about this, and I have to say I don't agree.  Dawid is bowling extremely well at the moment - I haven't checked the stats but he is probably our best bowler at the moment - and it seems foolish not to use that, especially in limited-overs games.  If I was even more cynical than I already am, I would perhaps speculate that he might get bowled more often if he was not the same type of bowler as an out-of-form captain and an expensive and hence undropppable overseas player... 

Anyway, leaving that hobby horse aside, when Dimi had finished hitting our bowlers all round the park (he finished with 27 off 15 balls) they were 162-5.  The boys needed more than eight an over, and Shane Warne was going to be bowling at them.  Joy.

Over To Ruby 

I think I should firstly offer an apology for the contents of the second half of the match report. Daria made careful notes and paid close attention to the ebb and flow of the match, and has therefore managed to write analysis above. Sadly I was too excited to speak when my childhood sweetheart, my teenage idol, the master himself Shane Warne appeared, and failed to write anything down for several deliveries. Also, quite frequently I was too distracted by his legendary presence to pay much attention to anything else. I have tried my best in difficult circumstances. I only hope Shane does not hold it too much against me.

Reviewing the confused scrawl in my notebook, it suggests the innings began with "THE MASTER IS HERE I CAN BARELY CONTAIN MYSELF". I don't think this comment refers to Neil Dexter, however he and Godleman played fairly well if a touch conservatively in the first couple of overs. In the third over, we were in fact ahead on Duckworth/Lewis and if only the heavens had opened then, a famous victory would have been ours for the taking.

...and then Billy was out to Tanvir. Flags waved, bands played, cheerleaders danced and I wished yet again that I had smuggled in my "TEXT ME SHANE" banner. Owais "J-Lo" Shah came in and we settled down to expect plenty of IPL-style fireworks. Er. Well, at least we ran a lot of singles, and the cheerleaders were very pretty and much more fun to watch than the cricket. There was one terrible drop of Owais, which interrupted my conversation with Daria musing on how suddenly Dexter has found this great run of form, and can he tell some of his teammates where he found it, please. Then catastrophe struck. Owais was out lbw to Mascarenhas. Now, I actually think Dimi is a great player, and he seems like a good guy. But I am absolutely sick of the sight of him giving us a hammering this season. Can he go and victimise someone else now?  [Editor's Note: Agreed.  Ideally while wearing an England shirt.  Someone uncouth in the crowd behind me was making a similar point in a very loud voice and very un-Lord's-like language].

Eoin came in and I admit this distracted me from Shane for a while. At this point, we were behind the D/L and only required nine an over to win. I felt surprisingly positive for a nanosecond before I remembered four of those overs were going to be bowled by the master. Sigh. At least the middle cheerleader was still pretty? Can she come back every week?

We managed a stunning one run off the sixth over. Sometimes this season, our T20 batting has resembled the defence of Stalingrad in its mindset. I fully blame Dexter for this lack of progress as to do otherwise would infringe the First Law of Ruby Match Reports*. Dexter was out in the seventh over, another lbw to Dimi. Honestly, you would think we had never seen the guy bowl before. This meant it was TIME FOR THE HOFF. Dawid Hasselhoff Malan strode out to the wicket and I noted down that "I prefer cheerleaders to cricket". By the end of the eighth over, some suicidal running had left us on 37 for 3 and frankly, Stalingrad might have been more fun.

*"First Law: Eoin is above all criticism, ever. Second Law: See the First Law"

The crowd were restless and the Mexican waves began but they fell into a reverent hush as the Master approached the wicket, ball in hand and luxurious blonde mane waving in the breeze. Eoin and Hoff were inspired by his presence to play some fine shots. At the end of the 12th over, we needed a mere 13 an over, but Eoin was still in, so anything was possible. The cautious approach was pursued through the 13th and 14th over. We needed 14 an over, and were ticking along at five. Eventually Dawid played some more expansive strokes, and almost immediately any thoughts of a daring last minute chase were over as Eoin got out, caught off Tanvir's first ball of the fifteenth over. Tyron came in, hit it more or less straight away up in the air, and the writing on the wall could not have been clearer.

I admit I have little idea of what happened between this incident and Dawid's dismissal. All my notes say is "Shane, marry me. I am blonde and young, and can cook many dishes featuring your beloved cheddar cheese. I am a fine marital prospect." Anyway, Dawid got out, Shane inexplicably failed to propose to me, and although Berg played a fine shot in the 17th, we still needed 24 an over. GO PANTHERS!!!

People began making for the exits with a couple of overs still to go. You could tell they were not Middlesex fans. We are inured to pain and disappointment. Berg tossed his wicket away in the last over for no discernable reason, the Fearless Leader came in and I gave up watching because I was tired and hungry, and still unwed. Sigh. The final total was 116 for 7. It was irrelevant. We all know who we came to see: Shilpa Shetty.

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