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Top 10 Strategies to Beat the Aussies

By Anil
February 14 2003

Top 10 Strategies to Beat the Aussies
by Anil, 13 Feb '03

10. Threaten to boycott match unless Warne is reinstated. Forfeiting a guaranteed 70 runs could be harmful to our chances.

9. Slip piece of paper with Bhajji's stats against Aus under every player's hotel room door.

8. Destroy their dressing room before start of game, depriving them of all leisure activities.

7. Send Ponting out to the middle half hour before toss. Tell him it's standard procedure for the final frontier.

6. Plan B for Symonds: Bring spinners on from both ends. When Symonds removes helmet, Kumble to take him out him with accurate fast-medium beamer.

5. Close-in fielders address Lehmann as "wukking kite font". If he complains to umpire, tell him in India this means nice bald man.

4. Non-striker batsman duties include no-balling Lee after every ball.

3. Plan B for Ponting: bring barroom bouncer into field, preferably during drinks break. Ponting will leave quietly.

2. Spike their drinks with large supply of steroids and diuretics borrowed from Warne's mother

And the number 1 strategy to beat the Aussies...

1. Unleash secret weapon: Ajit Agarkar wearing a Mugabe mask.

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