Simply Huge

By Southgate Emerald
May 9 2009

Southgate Emerald crosses London to report on Day 3 for us. Meet Montagues, Capulets, a wildebeest with haemorrhoids and a mastodon with existential angst. Yes, it can only be a Southgate Emerald special - many thanks to him. The Day 4 report by Ged and Daisy will follow once those two have had a chance to lie down for a couple of days to get over it all.

Woke up this morning and unlike Tony S I didn’t cruise through the New Jersey flatland looking mean and moody. Instead I hopped and swore as the rain came lashing in at my window.   After checking Sky, Beeb and Met Office, I became more consolate as all meteorological sages assured me that band of rain would pass through London and like the proverbial Assyrian charioteers the sun would follow behind.

So in fact I timed it like Yosser – the thought occurred to me that when I travel to the Gasworks during the week its actually quicker for me via First Capital and the Misery Line than it is to HQ.  And this from the leafy burbs of N13. Odd but true and slightly unsettling.  I got to the ground at 20 past twelve so I missed Captain’s wicket –Cricinfo tell me he was bowled by Jade (mwaaaaaaaaaaah ha ha ha) and caught by Nora. I’ve no reason to disbelieve them.

I was with my Surrey supporting mate (who doesn’t have a little boy) and we first watched a pantomime on-off-on again rigmarole which ended in “on”. And then Hughesy and Malan really opened up the Surrey bowling – they were carving the ball to all points and were pretty merciless on the older ball. This pair put on almost 100 and I was thinking Yosser looked set for a triple C never mind a double.    

Nora didnay standa chance

Surrey took the new ball about 80^th or 81^st over and for 8 odd overs Daphne and Jade (mwaaah ha ha ha) bowled with menace and purpose as Hughes and Malan settled in.  Daphne was obviously in his “shirty” alter ego shouting grunting and roaring his way through his overs like a wildebeest with haemorrhoids.   He was bellowing like a mastodon up at the balcony at one point although apart from “Oi ” I couldn’t follow or elucidate the nature or target of his ire. It may even have been a sudden and terrible onslaught of existentialist angst.   In a way I hope it was. 

Angst ridden?  Nel or Gunther?   

Anyhows with the new ball Jadey got Yosser to flick one on 195 and Nora stretched all of his 3 foot 3 frame to take what was to be fair to him a very good catch – Hughes swished and swashed his way off so I guess he wasn’t too happy. The Times of London tell me is was three shy of his best ever score so that might have been on his mind. 

I was in the bottom of the Laker and it does make you think as you come in through the Hobbs Gates and sit in below the Lock that we are not too dissimilar us Capulets and Montagues.  It is a bit sad seeing us nip and snarl like puppies in a sack down the bottom of Division 2. History is a heavy weight for more than just us but I digress.

AC took the charge to Surrey next and batted beautifully and he and Compo put on  50-60 odd as we ran down the Surrey total – I was thinking if we could get up to 500 and declared we’d  be on the pigs back if we could get them in again -  however and almost out of the blue Mortaza Hussain got two in two – Compo lbw and a stunned looking Scotty out first ball with a tentative prod.

If we are talking confidence lost Malan isn’t the worry but our wickie looks like he needs runs – he batted very well last year and I hope he can get in gear sharpish because when Hughes leaves to muss up Onions and Swann we are gonnae need all hands to the pump.    

Shaggy contributed a very useful 36 with Finn, Murts and Al standing around trying not to get out.    We end up at 445 which was half way decent and a useful wee lead.

By this stage the sun was out nary a cloud in the sky and the Fosters flowing.  I think I will always think when in the  Lock/Laker now of  the Lanky T20 QF and to be honest  it isn’t much of a stretch to see in your mind’s eye AC tonking Frankie Du P into the bleachers below the Gas again and again. You can also see Flintoff hoiking the ball to the only fielder standing like some sort of Breughel figure miles away on the other side of the ground (who might also have been AC if my frontal lobe hasn’t fused).   

When Surrey came back out I thought if we could get them a few wickets down we’d have a sniff of  a chance and Murts obliged with man of the minute Hughes taking the catch (I heard he can peel and thinly slice 4 cloves of garlic in two minutes and all – is there nothing he cannae do as the song used to rhetorically pose of SuperGran…) – that was the height of it though and although I think there was one catch chance – I couldn’t really see it and I was a wee bit blurry  but I thought Twinkletoes and the ex Hampshire geezer looked settled. So for me it was the Hanover for some Stella and home James via the five points of Wood Green and the 329.

Not in a nice car on the New Jersey turnpike.