By Southgate Emerald
July 12 2006

Southgate Emerald is in utterly hatstand mood describing Middlesex's one and only Twenty20 win this year. Meaningless? Perhaps. Encouraging? Perhaps. Nice evening out in the sunshine? Undoubtedly. Whereya been, Emerald?
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Well now as Mikey Holding would say – been away and we have been right royally pasted in this competition? A deterrent? Your momma - a good run through the Bank Moorgate killing zone and out on the First Capital Connect (or the fondly remembered We Are Going Nowhere) to Las Palmeras Verde and a nervous jig outside WH Smiff for the 121 (or heaven forbid a W6) up the hill. So far so cushty – time for a sharpener in la Cherry Tree with Big Al and to pause in wonder at the crowds – as much as we have seen at Southers all season. The irreducibilli ultras Middlesex? Mebbes.


Emerald Arrives
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We got to the ground in time for the start. Smith wasn’t out. Perhaps because it hadn’t started although he might have been but it was mostly because he wasn’t playing. The run up the Waterfall Road from the Cherry Tree is heart soaring like a hawk time. See when the sun shines down on N14 then God is in heaven and Middlesex win. I don’t know what it is but we always look like we are going to win from the offski. And so it proved. Make no mistake we murdered these. Somewhere in a parallel universe the Major says to Fawlty “Morning Fawlty ¬ Hampshire got shellacked by the worst team in Christendom” “Really? Time for a sharpener?” “Polly!!” and so on but you get the gist. We were well worth this.


Are Hants Middlesex in Disguise?
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Chaddy whacked out the dangerous Carberry’s off stump and Swing pinned the child boy child Stokes in similar fashion - 2 down in just double figures. Are you Middlesex in disguise? Experienced Middlesex watchers sat back to watch the charge from the middle order. Ye (and me) of little faith – The Greatest from the Waterfall Road having watched a good chance go down induced a right skier from Benham and then the spell that changed the game. If I might say “experienced” 20-20 viewers (ignoring the howls of derision from purple faced traditionalists) will appreciate with expert guidance from Bumble (likes ZZ Topp this lad) that spinners win these games. They choke the big scores. Even we stemmed the slaughter from Brown and Benning at HQ by bowling Weeksey. Rymps bowled the two most dangerous Hump I Shire players Thornely and Lamb and at 71-5 we were looking at each other nervously. The word that dare not speak its name? Best trot over to the Fosters tent which had a queue like a Tokyo bullet and more power to them. I never mind waiting at Southers. More chance we’ll be here in my lifetime. More drunkards?

Fair play to ye I say! Ice cream junkies? Roll up! More Wayne and Waynettas at the chipper? Come one come all! Scott Styris bowled the extremely underrated Mascharenhas and the Lord knows how. If anyone can explain how Scotty gets his wickets I’d be really interested. He looks as threatening as a Palmers Green Post Office queue at 8-40 but perhaps appearances are deceptive. I don’t see it but more power to his elbow! Weeksey after getting clattered for a six induced a hoik from Pothas and then a superb spell of bowling from Swing cleaned it up. Big Al actually said as Swing ran in it would be nice to bowl them out and in consecutive balls he done for the last two Hants wickets.


Half-time needless nerves
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Half time – nervous texting to Paul the Greek that we have them on a Nelson. Nervous? PSHAWWWW ! We creamed them. Weeksey 4 fours and 3 sixes. Compo with a superb unbeaten fifty. Scotty filling out.


Wotawin
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Sport is a funny fing. I don’t understand it. Every time I go to Southgate I think we will win. Don’t know why. Hutton said the same thing in the Crusader magazine. That’s the bit I don’t know. What I do know is if we could get even two thirds of this team sparking together we would frighten most. That we haven’t is infuriating but saving me from the jump at the same time. I also don’t know why Captain Morgan is so thin but I didn’t want to ask him at the time. As a last drunken digression I asked Martin Bicknell some years ago which was further west Reno or LA and he got it right. He was fielding at the ropes of the Oval at the time which made him in my book for a Mexican a top man.

Anyways – on to the Balti capital on the Bristol Road. Blind faith compadres……….