By Barmy Kev, Jeremy Horne & David Slater
October 2 2002

A so the season ends. Middlesex secured promotion to Division one, the Crusaders were woeful. And when seasons end the award ceremonies begin. So get the drum-rolls ready as we announce the winners of the inaugural CCM EVITRANETLA end of season awards. The Mike Gatting award for weight gain - Mark R**mprakash’s wallet

The Angus Fraser award for baldness - David Nash

The Mark Alleyne award for the most generous declaration - Himself of course!

The Shane Howarth award for the best English accent - Sven Koenig

The Barmykev travel LTD award for the nicest ground - Cheltenham

The most irritating occurrence of the season - The church bells ringing at Southgate

The Ben Horne award for the most annoying supporter - Himself

The biggest WTF of the year - Jacques Kallis playing for Wales

The most shocking moment - Phil Tufnell’s 2 superb sixes against Essex

The most satisfying moment - Running out Mark R**mprakash at Whitgift

The chant of the year - “Who needs Runsforcash when we’ve got Owais Shah”

The worst ground - The lions den

The most annoying advert - The Times adverts on Channel 4

The player with the best looking girlfriend - David Nash

The Angus Deayton award for the most apologies - Surrey fans (it’s ok, we forgive you for the 1,235,457th time)

The David Seaman award for the worst dropped catch of the season - Chad Keegan v Northamptonshire at Lords in the NUL

The David Beckham award for the best haircut - Chad Keegan and David Nash

The best run chase - Ours against Northamptonshire in the NUL at Lords

The award for the most food eaten at a match - David Slater

The Barmykev award for the person who turned from ‘normal’ to barmy in a month - Barmyjez

The best off the field partnership - Mark R**mprakash and Ian Ward

The tightest b**tard - Ben for his 2p to Paul Weekes’ benefit fund

The nicest opposition player - Michael Cawdron

The stupidest idea - The toilets behind the Edrich stand with the sinks at the entrance and toilets at the exit

The Roy Keane award (allegedly) - Phil Tufnell for kicking Darren Robinson

The silliest name for a one-day team - Surrey Lions

The silliest nightwatchman - Chad Keegan

The Mystic Meg award for tempting fate - Barmykev

The McDonalds award for the most overworked player - Steve Nikitaras

The Dire Straights award for the most money for nothing - Steve Nikitaras

The highest tipped waiter - Steve Nikitaras

The worst scoreboard - Whitgift

The MCC award for snobbery - Themselves!

The crowd with the least sense of humour - Whitgift & Chelmsford

Dirtiest look of the year - R**mprakash at Barmykev

The Ali Brown award for strike rate - Sven Koenig

The tactical pee of the year - Lord on missing the collection for Weekes’ benefit

The Nat West media centre award for the ugliest sight - Mark R**mprakash scoring 2 double hundreds

The Mark R**mprakash award for loyalty - David Byas

The collapse of the year - Kent against Somerset in the C & G quarter final

The most enjoyable non Middlesex match - Yorkshire v Surrey in the C & G trophy (for those of you that have forgotten (or just want to remind Ben Horne) Yorkshire won by 10 wickets!)

The FBI award for the best security - Lords on the 4th day of the first India test

The most prolonged declaration - Nasser Hussain in the 1st test against Sri Lanka

The mummy’s boy award - Parthiv Patel

The Ed Morrison award for the worst umpiring - The umpires that ran Strauss out at Whitgift

The Mr. Whippy award - Ronnie Irani

The Taveners barman of the year - Steve Nikitaras

The Lord Lucan award for disappearance - Robin Weston

The Ladbrookes award for the best bet - Barmykev on Ed Joyce to top score

The best test nation - Bangladesh

Barmykev’s most disappointing moment - Lord' walking off with his beers

The Patrick Swayze award for the best impression of a ghost - Steve Nikitaras

The Man United FC award the best attendance - The Friday of the Championship match against Notts at Lords in which there was no play until about 5.30pm

The dream of the year - Lord on Bloomers playing for England

Barmyjez’s moment of the season - Watching R**mps get bowled by Chris Silverwood for a golden duck at Guilford.

Most sickening headline of the year - News of the World 29/9, “Edwina: My three hour sex romps with Major”

The David Slater award for best chips – Chelmsford