By Primrose Hillbilly
May 4 2021

Now, then, Jones, Smith, Robinson or even Yerborough – Woodley, what would you do, given the following : 

The business in which you operate is hidebound, hierarchical and deferential. You are not. The “old school tie” brigade hold the influential positions, and you don’t fit the bill. The whole philosophy is geared towards not upsetting anyone. A ghastly, oikish roughneck like Botham is tolerated, because he wins Test matches singlehandedly, and really knows no better. You are seen as a maverick, “difficult”, not a team player, and a bad tourist. The minds of the entire selection committee, including captain, are set against you, and that bloke Emburey has become the first choice spinner. Even when he goes on a rebel tour, you don’t get picked for the Ashes Tour in 1982-‘3. (Eddie freakin’ Hemmings for Godsake !!!! Vic Marks!!!) You appear doomed to walk the county cricket circuit forever. Yet, as well as being nicknamed  “Chanel No. 5”, - the last thing that gets put on – you are also known as  “goat”, indicating a degree of stubbornness,. 

At the same time, you have never been short of self confidence, and believe you could easily make much more money than the salary of a county player. (When he took over the Middlesex captaincy in 1971, Brearley got less than £8,000.) The Packer “revolution” in cricketers’ pay did not trickle down to county level. You have business contacts, a degree in Land Economy, and could start to make the millions your family say you should be making.

So, what are you doing, still playing for Middlesex?

 Conjecture time – the desire to play at  the highest level must have still burned. The belief that you could get any of the best players out still existed. You must have wanted it. So, did you just decide to knuckle down, play in a strong Middlesex team that kept winning trophies, and you in the public eye, and wait? That must have been hard. 

Brearley retired from all cricket in 1982. In his last fielding innings, he rotated the 7 bowlers at his call - Daniel, Cowans, Hughes, Gatting, Slack, Emburey and Edmonds, because ………he just could. He hit the winning runs in a 10 wicket win at Worcester, and walked off with another County Championship in the bag. Gatting took over. The Middlesex trophy winning machine rolled on, though a B&H in 1983, a NatWest in 1984 and a CC in 1985, and Phil played in all those sides.  

My Edmondsological studies received a fillippe (?) from a work colleague who had been on the Lord’s ground staff. Two anecdotes emerged. The first from twelfth man duties, when he brought the drinks on. Edmonds called him over, and asked “- Any messages?” – there was a payphone in the dressing room with which players could stay in touch with the outside world and Phil conducted his business deals through it.

“Yes,” said my chum, with the rest of the team in earshot, “the Sun called, and asked what you were up to last night. The Mail called and wants to know where you were last night. The police have called, and want to know where you were last night. Your wife has called and wants to know where you were last night. Oh, yes, and the girlfriend has called and says she still loves you.” Apparently, he roared with laughter.

Second one was from working the Tavern side scoreboard, with the pitch over that side against Northants, so you could hear the onfield exchanges. Phil was bowling to Wayne Larkins, and Gatting moved his slip fielder.

PHE : “Put the slip back, skip”

Gatt : “Let’s see how we go for now, and we’ll see”

 Next ball : Long hop on leg stump, Larkins crashes it for six.

Gatt : “Oh, very funny, ……..now bowl properly”

PHE :  “Put the slip back, and I will.”

Gatt: “You prove you can bowl to your field first”

Next ball – ………see above.

Willis’ losing side to New Zealand did not include Phil. Even when Gower first took over, he was not called upon. He didn’t miss much, as West Indies toured, handing out a 5-0 thrashing.

Maybe Gower decided he was going to do things his own way from then on. In typically laid back fashion, he asked if Phil had plans that Winter.  Phil said he hadn’t, Gower suggested he keep it free, so that was how Phil learned he was going to India.

I would wake up early, turn the radio on, and doze through the commentary of the next three hours. Apart from when taking the long handle to the wondrously named Laxman Sivaramakrishnan, for 48 in the first innings of the first Test, Phil was always bowling. Gower told him he was his “go to” bowler, his main man, and Phil responded, tieing up Indian batsmen on their own turf. England won away from home, on the mysterious wickets of India. At one stage, the home crowd had turned on their team, threatening to riot, and their captain hid in the dressing room under armed  guard. Phil reclined on the outfield, reading a newspaper, until play resumed. At the end of the tour, he was fined by the unofficial tour committee for being a “good tourist”!  He was one of Gower’s men. He was back, and he belonged.

That bloke Emburey was back for the Aussies next Summer, and combined with Phil to tie up the Aussies. Phil took 15 wickets, the other bloke 19. A tour to the West Indies followed, and another colleague accompanied Phil on tour to make their presence felt.

Gower once said of Phil’s wife, Frances, it was  just as well they married each other, otherwise there might be four unhappily married people. Frances had her own career and took people as she saw them, instead of how they believed their reputation merited. She stood out from other WAGS, and had already gained a reputation for her one liners. “Cricket has certainly broadened my horizons. I might never have met anyone like XXXX, in other circumstances, unless I needed a plumber”. She wrote her  first book “Another Bloody Tour” about that West Indies 5- Zip again trip. Phil took a Pat Patterson beamer in the ribcage at about 80 mph in an early game. At next day’s communal breakfast, she ran into the perpetrator himself, and put him at ease by saying to aim a bit higher next time and there was something from the life assurance if he found the target. Phil only played one Test, as  England decided they needed to fight fire with errrr…. whatever right arm, fast medium seam attack they could muster. Greg  Thomas did earn immortality from his attempt to rile Viv Richards, though.

Would any English player would have made it into a combined team, so comprehensively were we outplayed? West Indies didn’t use a spinner, except when Viv needed to get to a ton fast off Emburey. Gatting earned  brownie points for taking a Marshall bouncer on the bridge of his nose, being medevacced out, but returning to play the last Test, so when it was decided that a change of captaincy style was needed, his bustling sergeant major schtick got the nod. Phil’s relationship with Gatt must have been enhanced by their time together at Middlesex, and may be best summed up as “mutual respect”, although Phil’s quote from the India tour, amidst political concerns following the assassination of a British diplomat and the tour continuing was that “Gatt was  a nice bloke, but wouldn’t know a political nicety from a cheese and pickle sandwich”.   

However, in the second losing series that Summer, Phil reined India in, chasing 276, with 4 for 31 off 28 overs. The other bloke took 0-19 off seven, so who was the premier spinner????  

And, finally, finally, the grail was achieved. He’d played well, he hadn’t acted the goat and so he was on the plane for an Ashes Tour again. Mind you, so was Frances.