MIDDLESEX TILL WE DIE

CRIC. LIT. QUIZ WITH PRIZE(S)

ANSWERS AND COMPETITION WINNERS

BY Ged Ladd (ably assisted by Salil from VTCB)

 

THE ANSWERS

 

SECTION A – BIOGRAPHY SECTION

 

A1/ In this autobiography, the author describes himself nearly getting arrested at the Oval for breaking into the ground at 6.00 a.m. ahead of a county match and nearly repeating the trick years later turning up for his first test match at 7.00 a.m. (Headingley).

a) Who is the author?

b) What is the title of the book?

(Two points)

 

ANSWER:

a)     Dicky Bird

b)     My Autobiography

 

A2/ This cricketer’s biography reports the subject and his son having to bail Ian Botham out of a Perth jail.

a)    Who is the cricketer?

b)    What is the title of the book?

(Two points)

 

ANSWER:

a) Dennis Lillee

b) Menace

 

A3/ This autobiography discusses the author’s early county circuit nickname, FEC, mistakenly assumed to mean “Future England Captain” by some.

a)    Who is the author/cricketer?

b)    What is the title of the book?

c)     What does he believe FEC really stood for?

(Three points)

 

ANSWER:

a) Michael Atherton

b) Opening Up

c) F***ing Educated C**t

 

 

SECTION B – MIDDLE SECTION

 

Each question in this section comprises a short passage from a book (in italics) followed by a handful of piercing questions.

 

B1/ Everybody realises that ”I am a member of the M.C.C.C.” is a phrase in which “M.C.C.C.” the initials, are indistinguishable, after two gin and tonics, from “M.C.C.”.  And one really can go in on certain occasions (see printed instructions) to the pavilion itself.  In a sort of way, one has made it.  It’s good.  It’s worth it.  And members are not like Osbert Lancaster caricatures, not like the American view of cricket.  They are nice.  They are human.  They may even, at heart, be sensitive artists, introspects, fond of Bach.  Many have beards.” 

a)    Who wrote the above piece?

b)    What is the name of the piece?

c)     What is the name of the book in which it appeared?

(Three points)

 

ANSWER:

a) Stephen Potter

b) Lord’smanship (How to be one up at Lord’s without actually being a member of the MCC)

c) The Boundary Book

 

B2/ It’s not crucial to the captaincy that he got a first in classics and a two-one in moral sciences at Cambridge; indeed, it is more relevant that, while studying to that level, he continued to score more runs (4068) for that University than any other undergraduate.

a)    Who wrote the above piece?

b)    About whom is it written?

(Two points)

 

ANSWER:

a) John Arlott

b) Mike Brearley

 

B3/ Cricket in India is a test of character as much as skill and England were failing at it.  They had trained hard for the tour in the sanitized surroundings of Lilleshall Sports Centre yet no amount of practice or physical jerks could prepare you for India’s idiosyncrasies. Off the field you were stared at as if you were a gargoyle with three heads.  On it you could get harassed and heckled and pelted with fruit.

a)    Who wrote the piece?

b)    In which book did this passage appear?

c)     Which England tour is he describing?

(Three points)

 

ANSWER:

a) Simon Hughes

b) Yakking Around the World

c) 1993

 

B4/ “Both you and Robin should come up to the Mohali Stadium in the Punjab”, Mr Bindra added, “We’ll put you up, lay on net bowlers, sort out a gym and organize a bowling machine.  You must be bored of Bombay by now”.  “Excellent, that’s settled,” said Raj, “both you and Robin should come to my office in fifteen minutes”.  We did, and we agreed to the trip and flew the next day.  India is like that.  Where is the Punjab?

a)    Who wrote the piece?

b)    In which book did this passage appear?

c)     Who is Robin (clue: both barrels of the surname required to gain the point)?

(Three points)

d)    And yes, where is the Punjab? Draw a map.  (Only joking).

 

ANSWER:

a) Ed Smith

b) On and Off the Field

c) Robin Martin-Jenkins

 

SECTION C – FICTION SECTION

 

C1/ It is a fact not generally known that in her youth Queen Victoria had the makings of a cricketer of considerable stature. Indeed, it is the opinion of many historians of the ‘summer game’ that but for the cares of state and the burdens of excessive childbearing, she could well have reached Test match standard.  Contemporary records reveal that the young Victoria was endowed with an excess of the cricketing virtues – the athletic grace of a Frank Woolley, the snow-white teeth of a Learie Constantine, the combative pugnacity of a Freddie Trueman, the dark, hairy legs of a W.G.Grace.

a)    Who wrote the above piece?

b)    In which book did this story appear?

(Two points)

c)     And about whom is it written? (Only joking).

 

ANSWER:

a) Tales From a Long Room

b) Peter Tinniswood

 

C2/ On Saturday morning, 4 August 1921, at a quarter-past five, Horace Cairie woke up and heard the rustle of wind in the trees outside his bedroom window.

a)    What is the name of the book in which the passage appears?

b)    What is the name of the author?

(Two points)

 

ANSWER:

a) The Cricket Match

b) Hugh de Selincourt

 

C3/ Many millions of years ago a race of hyperintelligent pan-dimensional beings (whose physical manifestation in their own pan-dimensional universe is not dissimilar to our own) got so fed up with the constant bickering about the meaning of life which used to interrupt their favourite pastime of Brockian Ultra Cricket (a curious game which involved suddenly hitting people for no readily apparent reason and then running away) that they decided to sit down and solve their problems once and for all.

a)    Who wrote the passage?

b)    In which book did this passage appear?

c)     State at least one of the Laws of Brockian Ultra Cricket?

(Three points)

 

ANSWER:

a) Douglas Adams

b) Life, the Universe and Everything (or Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy)

c) A brief summary is as follows:

Rule One:

Grow at least three extra legs. You won't need them, but it keeps the crowds amused.

Rule Two:

Find one good Brockian Ultra-Cricket player and clone him off a few times. This saves an enormous amount of tedious selection and training.

Rule Three:

Put your team and the opposing team in a large field and build a high wall round them.  The reason for this is that, though the game is a major spectator sport, the frustration experienced by the audience at not actually being able to see what's going on leads them to imagine that it's a lot more exciting than it actually is. A crowd that has just watched a rather humdrum game experiences far less life-affirmation than a crowd that believes it has just missed the most dramatic event in sporting history.

Rule Four:

Throw lots of assorted items of sporting equipment over the walls for the players. Anything will do - cricket bats, basecube bats, tennis guns, skis, anything you can get a good swing with.

Rule five:

The players should now lay about themselves for all they are worth with whatever they find to hand. Whenever a player scores a 'hit' on another player, he should immediately run away and apologize from a safe distance.

Apologies should be concise, sincere and, for maximum clarity and points, delivered through a megaphone.

Rule Six:

The winning team shall be the first team that wins.

 

Total score available (for the quiz, you understand, not for Brockian Ultra Cricket): 25 points.

 

THE WINNERS

 

I’d like to say that it was a close run thing.  I’d like to say it, but it wouldn’t be true.  Lots of people looked at the quiz and lots of people e-mailed in to say it was too hard.  In this age of Googling for quiz answers, any quiz that requires real knowledge, thought or research seems hard.  But I confess, this was a very tough quiz.

 

Rather than humiliate those who submitted low-scoring attempts, I think we should go straight to “thems wot got prizes” (such literary style, don’t you think?).

 

The prize for the zaniest answers goes to Barmy Kev, who suggested that Mark R*mprakash wrote a book named “Judas” and that Mike Gatting’s biography is named “Who Ate All the Pies?”.  Kev also suggests that Stephen Fleming wrote all the James Bond books.  Yes, Kev, for that cornucopia of literary piffle you have won a small prize – the little book of cricket jokes that a previous prize-winner couldn’t be bothered to e-mail in for.

 

But now to the main prize.  All the way through the quiz I was sure that prize would go to someone scoring 40% or so, until I received, at the 59^th minute of the 11^th hour (or perhaps I should say “during the last over of the last hour of a four day game”), an entry from Pistol Pete MacCabe which contained 13/25 correct answers.  Great score, Pete and well done.  You have won the grand prize and well deserved it is too.

 

And to prove that Pete is a real literary dude, we publish below his tie-breaker offering. 

 

Many thanks once again to Salil from VTCB for his quiz question contributions and also many thanks once again to Orion for offering the prize.

 

TIE BREAKER QUESTION: Name 10 books written by people who have played 1^st class cricket for Middlesex CCC.  No two books in this list may be written by the same author.  In the event of a tie, the best list of 10 books (in the judges’ absolute discretion) will win the prize.  We can also use the tie breaker submissions to start a discussion thread on “the best books written by Middlesex players”.

 

Pistol Pete’s Picks:

Phoenix from the Ashes: Mike Brearley

Bowlers Turn: Ian Peebles

England v Australia 1912: Pelham Warner

The Complete Cricketer: Patsy Hendren

Forty Years of English Cricket: Harry Lee

In Sun and Shadow: Denis Compton

Cricketing Days: Bill Edrich

Triumph in Australia: Mike Gatting

Talk of the Double: Fred Titmus

The Ashes Surrendered: Mike Selvey