By Bluebadge
August 6 2010
Bluebadge reports from Lord's on another disappointing CB 40 performance by Middlesex. Not for the first time this season not an easy read but livened up by some of Bluebadge's comments
A cool, overcast afternoon at Lord’s. Dex wins the toss and puts the Steelbacks into bat. The sun pops out as play begins but a cool northerly breeze means it’s hardly t-shirt weather.
Pedro opens to Mal Loye from the Pavilion End with Dial M from coming in from the Nursery. Loye plays shots from the off and in the third over skies a steepling catch to fine leg off Collins. Timmy’s under it, then he isn’t under it, then he is again but drops it. Not an easy chance. Loye rubs it in by pulling a six to leg off the last ball of the over. The pattern is set for the opening spells. Murtagh, bowling with two slips, as tight as a gnat’s chuff (© Viz Comic, 1990) from one end and Collins getting spanked around the park from the other.
Loye picks up another six on the leg-side. Collins responds with a good angry bouncer but spoils it by serving up an easy half-volley which is put away for four. ‘Whatever happened to line and length?’, is muttered in the crowd. Murts shows the way with another tight over…if only we could clone him. Toby Roland-Jones comes on in the ninth over, Collins having gone for 31 off his first four overs. TR-J looks more dangerous than Collins, beating the bat a couple of times, but is still plonked for a couple of leg-side sixes by Newton, one into the top of the Mound Stand. Murts comes off for Dexter having conceded just 18 from his first 5 overs.
Dexter is bowling with the keeper up and gives away 4 wides first ball but he and TR-J start to get the run rate back down towards six an over with some good tight bowling. My attention is momentarily distracted by the arrival of a teenager sporting a patterned blouson that even the late, great George Melly might have considered a little outré. Loye goes to fifty with yet another six over long leg, nearly splattering a sluggish spectator in the front row of the Mound Stand below us. Boundaries are coming frequently and there’s a somewhat passionless feel to the game.
The crowd is livened up when Toby gets the first wicket. Newton mis-times a pull and the ball is gobbled up on the midwicket boundary by Malan. Shaggy comes on and in his first over bowls Wakely, who yorks himself coming down the pitch at a straight one. Oh dear, it’s Sales next, the Middlesex nemesis. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen us dismiss him. He has a scratchy start and it looks like he’s edged a catch off TR-J but he stands his ground, the umpires consult and nothing happens. Playfair tells me that Toby’s middle name is Skelton. Another tight over from Udal but Sales seems to have got the measure of TR-J and sticks him to the leg boundary twice in an over. With Loye and Sales at the wicket Northants have possibly the widest batting partnership in England. If only Middlesex had a couple of such beefy Englishmen in the middle order.
Loye is run out by the Iceman and the game goes quiet again. I notice a kid in front in a West Ham shirt who has draped his denim jacket over his head. Being a father to teenagers I know that this is Playstation related rather than a reflection on the cricket. But it could be a combination of both. Sales looks very comfortable and his fifty arrives swiftly yet unobtrusively, like a butler sidling up to the host of a dinner party to advise him that the main course will be ten minutes late. Shaggy bowls out his overs for 45 runs and I’m wondering why Berg hasn’t had a bowl.
Collins comes on and Peters flicks him down the leg-side giving a difficult chance to Toby, who did well to get a hand to it. Murts comes back on but Sales is dominant and boffs him for a couple of fours. Then Sales goes for a heave to leg off Dexter and is well caught on the boundary by young Scollay. But what’s this? Sales refuses to go and we have to wait for the third umpire. As Mr T would say, ‘Quit wasting my time, fool!!!’ Sales finally walks.
Willey and Peters start to slog the last few overs and Berg takes a beautiful diving catch in front of the Allen Stand when Peters mis-times a drive from a Murtagh full toss. Northants finish on 264 for 5, which looks about a par score.
We decamp to the Allen stand for the Middlesex innings, our own beer having been scoffed. Newman and Simpson open. Newman hits a couple of fours before being bowled by a lovely delivery that comes down the hill and clips the top of middle stump. Simpson looks in good touch though. Ace, Player of the Month, comes in but looks very scratchy and goes trying to cut a ball that’s too close to his body. The only shot he got hold of smashed into the stumps at the bowler’s end and he’s out for four. Gloom descends and the cricket is starting to feel as tortuous as my crossword. In the desperate hope that something, anything, will happen I go to the loo. Nothing happens.
Then Malan pulls Willey (insert Frankie Howerd epostulation here) for four, but Willey has the last laugh when his next pull is mis-timed and Malan is caught on the boundary. Dexter comes in. Simpson has been chuntering along with no real momentum and gets out chipping to mid-on. Dex livens us up with a six but the Northants grind goes on. When Dex is caught at mid-wicket people start to look at their watches. Tom Scollay is in – his face beaming down from the scoreboard looks disturbingly like a young Stewart Lee, but less sardonic. The Ultras in the Tavern stand are giving it some ‘Middle, Middle, Middle…” but it’s a hollow chant as Berg flicks a catch well taken down leg. Shaggy comes in but it all seems rather futile. Hell knows what Sky’s viewing figures are for this – possibly less than are in the ground. Scollay brightens us up briefly with a six before being well caught on the boundary.
My youngest points out the irony that the fielder was subsequently thrown a water bottle – which he dropped. Toby slaps a four over mid-off then Udal goes lbw. Young Willey fielding by the Allen stand attracts a few juvenile calls from a bunch of lads who look 18 but act 13. ‘It’s still do-able’, says my youngest. The required rate is 27 per over. Murts is caught at long on going for a six and then Collins is bowled leaving Toby on 20 not out and the Middle woefully short of respectability in this game.
Quote:Jonathan Winsky
my life is far too hectic for me to have ever seen any of his shows. Indeed, I have spent so much time on MTWD today - plus I had my weekly bath - that I haven't had time to concentrate on the Test from Edgbaston, let alone indulge in some comedy