Spot The Scorer?

By Diamond Ruled OK
July 1 2011

Diamond reports on not much cricket excitement, what action did occur seemed to be behind an obstructed view.  However, he provides an interesting report of what he saw and action from "Vermin Corner".  Photos are provided courtesy of Hackneyshire. 

As quite often is the case day four of the County game was given to me to report, not one of Barmy Kev’s usual ones though, I had almost a week’s notice of this one. 

An easy journey to the ground care of the 427 bus today(607’s are available from Hanwell but I missed one by two minutes) and a walk from St Andrew’s church, under the underpass and up Park Road saw me in the ground for just after 10am.”Vermin Corner” had already been “bagged” in true Germanic style by Beefy who was found slurping the ground staffs coffee in the bar. Sign still intact and the beer snake carefully stashed away for safe keeping from passing Womble’s.A cup of UCC coffee and that’s me ready for the day as other “vermin” begin to drift into the ground. Hazel and Doughnut Boy arrive to support our opponents and a huge round of applause goes up when Vic drags out the roller at 10:40am. By the way if anyone would like to donate a can of WD40 (or an other penetrating oil for that matter) Vic can be reached @ V.Domain , c/o Uxbridge Cricket Club , Park Road Uxbridge. Sort that squeak out buddy! Our clapping got a response, not sure how rude it was as these old eyes are going I reckon. Cloud building up but a good breeze, not ideal for telling just what the weather would do.

Morning session.

As the players enter the arena Phil predicts Buck will be out without adding to his overnight score. First ball of the day sees a single and a relieved Phil, after his first innings “Strauss out for 2 bowled by Lewis” prediction we were about ready to kill him if he got another one right. Ken arrives late closely followed by the Master of the Lateness Kev .Now Kev’s fashion sense has all the style of a blind pit pony but today’s top was something else, a vivid green tee with Elvis logos on, Elvis may well have left the building 30 odd years ago but we were darn sure Kev had entered it!

In true reporter style I missed Dial M’s wicket going down, I have an excuse, not the usual one either, I missed it because our club President was stood chatting to said green man right in my line of sight. You would have to be a lot braver man than me to tell the club President to “Sit down”. 285/8 Murts lbw Morse’s oppo for 7. Enter the gladiator, resplendent in MTWD sponsored shirt Antony Ireland to take on his old chums with willow in hand. 15 runs to the next batting point, will we get them? The Uxbridge cat takes a first wander of the week into Vermin corner, looks mildly disinterested and goes back up the steps to the club house chased by Hackneyshire camera in hand like she had just spotted the beast of Exmoor. The first 4 of the day sees us to 293/8, a good strong stroke by Buck. It must have been worrying some people, Doughnut boy is on his third doughnut and Lower Pav has gone off for one of his stress walks. Buck passes 140 with the stroke that sees the 300 come up and Ireland sees us past the follow on figure with a supreme drive back past the bowler. Target reached my first pint of the day arrives whilst various members of Vermin Corner are discussing the make up of the Village People, surreal or what? No more than seeing Ireland launch Taylor into Park Road for a monster 6, remember Sunday lads?

324/9 Payne rearranges Buck’s stumps for him two runs shy of a well deserved 150, clapped from the field by all present including the Gloucestershire players in the context of the game a superb knock. Corey gets straight off the mark with a single and then Payne repeats his Rogers trick by spinning one of Ireland’s poles a few feet behind him. 16 valuable runs he added to our score keeping Buck company and not looking in any trouble, how his top score is still 17 I will never know. He lasted 44 balls (Dial M 41 balls) so the bowlers more than did their bit to see us past the follow on score.

124 the lead for the visitors then, during the change of innings many debates are going on, will they set us a target, can we bowl them out and chase, will we be left wanting 240 off 20 overs, etc etc etc.

The sides take the field for the 3^rd innings of the match on day four, shame we lost most/nearly all of day two, London initially replacing Buck (shower and re-strapping fingers no doubt) The Uxbridge snake is up and terror of all terrors I am informed that our CEO is running the manual scoreboard at the Gatting Way End! Camera evidence and a quick squint through the binoculars confirm this fact. First tactical of the day, these at Uxbridge will now be known as “Doing a Lionel” due to the piped music of Mr Richie in the porta loo.

Glous get to 20/0 off 4 overs ( a bit slower than Sunday) and then Dial M catches and bowls the dangeous Marshall for  9, 20/1. The Gatting Way scoreboard appears to be a bit behind, under distant observation this is found out to be because Lower Pav has not only distracted the operator by chatting to him he has also taken him a pint round!

refreshment for our scorer

On Sunday Alfred E suffered from the ball following him, shows what a funny game cricket can be, within 5 mins he had made a brilliant stop close in and then chased down and saved runs on the boundary in front of us, both occasions bringing warm applause, not mickey taking but for two good pieces of fielding, I only hope Scott saw it as that rather than us being rotten to him. Dial M and Simmo then get together to remove Dent for 19, 37/2, will we have a game this afternoon or not? By this time I am thinking we need at least another one before lunch and a “Lionel” sees (or rather doesn’t see) Dial M trap Taylor LBW and Glous 53/3. Lunch is taken with a lead of 191 for the visitors.

Afternoon Session

Now most of you will know I do like my food at cricket, having had the UCC fare for the last few days we decided to see what the food was like in the Gardeners Arms, bit of a walk and a wait for it to arrive but it was top food. Problem was that we missed the start of the afternoon session, a text or two saw Beefy take over as sub reporter. I was in good company as our President had seen fit to use the pub for lunch as well.

Whilst away a disaster happened, the beer snake collapsed nearly taking Ken with it and on the cricket side of things Crooky removed Cockbain “2 stumps on the floor for 8”. Hackneyshire according to my sub can be quoted as saying “it was marginally out”.

On return to the ground runs keep coming and there is a vote taken that I should not have returned then Smudger Smith gives Simmo some more work to do and Williamson is gone for a fine 73 of 98 balls,159/5. 167/6 is missed in peculiar circumstances, LP was in the process of giving away his lunch box remains , rather peckish still I baggsied his crisps which he threw (and I dropped Strauss stylie) on bending down to pick them up Crooky bowled  Coughtrie for 40, 167/6. Declaration time….not it would seem as they go into tea.

quality fielding

 The elderflower is out again. Word has got round, not only has Fletch said he wants some, so has Scottie Newman and JW got in there before I got mine as I was off for a wander as tea was called. A text bid (not unlike Tuesdays auction) saved me some though, good old Hackneyshire, you might be Glous but you’re a star!

To the end.

With Glous batting on and the total way out of reach even if we had borrowed Mr Marshall in his best T20 form (well he played for us in the football on Tuesday!) the game was doing what not many cc games do nowadays, petering out to a draw. Excitement is raised as Mr Catchpole swears he saw a blade of grass growing in front of the pavilion.

Excitement too much for packed ground

A game of cricket is still on and Taylor departs caught Dial M bowled Smudge for 29, 210/7.Lewis comes into bat for the fourth day on the trot and is caught soon after by Robbo of Ireland for 1 (view obstructed by Doughnut boy!)213/8.  Straussie,Alfred E and Robbo all get a bowl and with the score on 229/8 it’s handshakes all round and game over as a draw.

In conclusion it was a shame we lost a whole days play, it being the second day it rather shaped how the rest of the match went. The players must have been as cheesed off with the weather as the supporters were but that’s your English summer for you. What was really nice about the last 5 days was the way folks blended, players and supporters alike and the support for Breakthrough be it through the curry night or sale of raffle tickets was superb. Thanks to all concerned, UCC, MCCC,GCCC for some great cricket in the sun while I have been on holiday this week. A tough contest fought out by two teams both eyeing up promotion but played out in the true spirit of the game.

A few of us hung around for a beer after the game, Kev had to go as he was due at a Janet Jackson concert in the evening at the Albert Hall, myself, I’ll stick to Lionel Ritchie.

If you enjoyed this report my names Diamond, if you didn’t it is Roger Federa.